I cannot believe how little of a priority assaults are to law enforcement.
I have had to fight tooth and nail just to get justice.
Justice for being sexually and physically assaulted.
It's just unbelievable to me.
How something that has such a profound effect on the victim, is just pretty much ignored by judges, police chiefs, and county attorneys.
My advocate told me that most cases are dropped after 48 hrs of not knowing where the perpetrator is.
Are you kidding me!
When I learned this it made me so angry. The fact that somebody can destroy someones life, and have it treated as if it's nothing.
No wonder people continue to rape people; they know there won't be a consiquence.
In our day and age, I just cannot believe this.
Crimes against women are treated as second class crimes.
How is that even possible?
1/14/19
1/12/19
Bittersweet
With it being over a year now since I was assaulted (assaulted somehow softens the blow, rather then saying raped.) I find myself moving on.
It has been a road that I never thought I would face. Yet I did, and the number of other victims is enormous.
The day I was assaulted it was like a light switched off, and my whole world darkened, literally and figuratively.
My eyes darkened, and I was dying inside. I couldn't stop crying, I was suffering from PTSD, I was having crazy, very dark dreams. I lost a piece of myself that day. I literally felt a piece of me leave. I can't explain it, only someone who has been traumatized in that way can even begin to grasp the totality of what I'm saying.
It made it worse that I knew this person, and they posed as a friend.
So I had that betrayal to deal with as well.
No human being should have to suffer in that way.
I can not even begin to fathom what a child goes through after being sexually assaulted (raped.)
Because I barely was able to deal with it as an adult.
It has been a road that I never thought I would face. Yet I did, and the number of other victims is enormous.
The day I was assaulted it was like a light switched off, and my whole world darkened, literally and figuratively.
My eyes darkened, and I was dying inside. I couldn't stop crying, I was suffering from PTSD, I was having crazy, very dark dreams. I lost a piece of myself that day. I literally felt a piece of me leave. I can't explain it, only someone who has been traumatized in that way can even begin to grasp the totality of what I'm saying.
It made it worse that I knew this person, and they posed as a friend.
So I had that betrayal to deal with as well.
No human being should have to suffer in that way.
I can not even begin to fathom what a child goes through after being sexually assaulted (raped.)
Because I barely was able to deal with it as an adult.
11/19/18
A Year
It has been one year and two days since I was physically and sexually assaulted.
It has taken almost all of that time to heal from the emotional wounds of what it did to me.
What makes it hard is, I really liked this person. We were friends for several yrs, he was a
business owner.
I just don't know how somebody can do something like that to another person.
It has taken almost all of that time to heal from the emotional wounds of what it did to me.
What makes it hard is, I really liked this person. We were friends for several yrs, he was a
business owner.
I just don't know how somebody can do something like that to another person.
10/6/18
The Legal Case
My case is FINALLY getting ready to be handed over to the county and state attorney.
I have fought literally tooth and nail to get my local police department and county attorney to do anything! I turned in the paperwork to the police chief last wk, it was an inch thick.
I'm beginning to believe my therapist when she says, "It will get better."
Because I am starting to feel better...
I feel as though I have been walking around with a storm cloud that's never left since the assault.
But, I am starting to see the sun.
9/12/18
The Cloud of Grey
Since the assault, there has been an underlying cloud of grey that is always there.
Bits of sunshine are starting to come through.
It's like being caught in a web, even if you get something free; there's another part still stuck.
I wonder if I'll ever really be free from what happened to me.
I knew this person, for several yrs. I never in a million yrs would have thought that someone could be so evil.
I've never experienced anything like it in my life.
9/9/18
I Want to Feel Normal
I just want to feel normal. Is that such a hard thing to ask? I want to feel like every moment of every day isn't somehow defined by the rape.
I want to recover, if that's even possible. My therapist tells me I will, but nine months after being assaulted; I'm beginning to wonder if such a thing exists.
I've been struggling... Really, struggling.
I want to recover, if that's even possible. My therapist tells me I will, but nine months after being assaulted; I'm beginning to wonder if such a thing exists.
I've been struggling... Really, struggling.
Does it Ever Get Easier
I wonder, I wonder if I'll ever feel whole again.
If my heart and mind will heal.
What kind of monster gets off on hurting other people?
If my heart and mind will heal.
What kind of monster gets off on hurting other people?
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