A Year

It has been one year and two days since I was physically and sexually assaulted.
It has taken almost all of that time to heal from the emotional wounds of what it did to me.
What makes it hard is, I really liked this person. We were friends for several yrs, he was a
business owner.
I just don't know how somebody can do something like that to another person.

The Legal Case

   So I sit here almost a year after my assault. I have finally got to a place of what I'd call... moving on... I say that with such hesitation because I wonder if I'll ever fully heal from what was done to me. It is something that no one will understand unless they have been physically and sexually assaulted.
   My case is FINALLY getting ready to be handed over to the county and state attorney.
I have fought literally tooth and nail to get my local police department and county attorney to do anything! I turned in the paperwork to the police chief last wk, it was an inch thick.
   I'm beginning to believe my therapist when she says, "It will get better."
Because I am starting to feel better...
I feel as though I have been walking around with a storm cloud that's never left since the assault.
But, I am starting to see the sun.

The Cloud of Grey

Since the assault, there has been an underlying cloud of grey that is always there.

Bits of sunshine are starting to come through.

It's like being caught in a web, even if you get something free; there's another part still stuck. 

I wonder if I'll ever really be free from what happened to me. 

I knew this person, for several yrs. I never in a million yrs would have thought that someone could be so evil. 

I've never experienced anything like it in my life. 

I Want to Feel Normal

I just want to feel normal. Is that such a hard thing to ask? I want to feel like every moment of every day isn't somehow defined by the rape.
I want to recover, if that's even possible. My therapist tells me I will, but nine months after being assaulted; I'm beginning to wonder if such a thing exists.
I've been struggling... Really, struggling.

Does it Ever Get Easier

I wonder, I wonder if I'll ever feel whole again.
If my heart and mind will heal.
What kind of monster gets off on hurting other people?